Everything I’ve Got
Sunday morning, I walked 6.7 miles in the pouring rain while my daughter Aspen and her friends ran the Santa Barbara half marathon. I was in Austin, about 1,800 miles away. I wanted to be out there with her, and this was how I could do it.
Before she started, I sent her a message. “LFG, Aspen!!! Everything you’ve got, baby girl. Take the fears, the tears, and whatever else you’re feeling out onto that course!!! Let ALL of it move through you, one mile at a time. Run your race! Nobody else’s. Trust YOURSELF. I’m cheering like hell for you. I love YOU!!!! ❤️”
I added “My Wish” by Rascal Flatts. Then I went outside and started walking. Everything you’ve got. I’d been living those words all week.
My bride and I spent four days at MD Anderson in Houston with some of the best people in the country helping us understand what was happening and what we could do next. The people, the service, the attention to detail. We could feel the difference. We were getting what felt like a month’s worth of appointments done each day. Unreal.
For four days, I was a lab rat. Scans, blood work, another biopsy, work toward getting my voice back, and 14 trigger point injections to help relieve the pain and tightness I’ve been living with in my neck, shoulders, and back. I was grateful to be there. Getting through it took everything I had.
We received some excellent news, some tough news, and information we’re still waiting to understand. My thyroid wasn’t functioning the way it should, which helped explain the exhaustion. They started medication right away. After 11 weeks of silence, there was progress toward hearing what my new voice could sound like.
We also had honest conversations about how aggressive the cancer is and how quickly it had returned. I asked hard questions about my future. I wanted the truth, and some of what we heard was difficult. My bride and I are still processing it.
Specialists are reviewing my case. There’s more information coming and decisions ahead. I believe I can overcome this. I don’t know how, and we’ll find a way. I’m preparing myself mentally, physically, and spiritually for what comes next.
Nicole was beside me through all of it. What my bride has handled, figured out, and given of herself through this past year is beyond anything I could have imagined. She has been a miracle in my life. She needs people beside her, too.
Jen Davis came to Houston to be with us. Afterward, I sent her a message thanking her. “Love you so much. Thank you for being beside us. That’s all I’ve got for now.” That was exactly where I was.
Friday, I wrote to Zac and Aspen, and we spent time together on Zoom. I told them what we’d learned, how I was feeling, and what I needed. I wanted them close. Keep reaching out. Tell me about your lives. Tell me how you’re feeling. Some days I’m exhausted or hurting and may not have the energy to answer. Your messages still matter. You don’t have to know what to say or figure out how to fix this. You don’t have to put on a brave face for me. We can be honest with each other.
I made them a promise. “My promise is to leave everything I’ve got on the field. I’ll do everything within my power and put what I can’t control in God’s hands.”
I’m fighting for more life with them. To be at their weddings. To be there when their children are born. To hold my grandkids, hang out with them, and watch them grow up. More ordinary days, holidays, adventures, laughter, and memories we haven’t made yet. And while we prepare for what comes next, I want us to keep making those memories.
Saturday, I got to open the day at Gary Keller’s ranch and spend the entire day with coaching clients and friends. I gave everything I had to be there. Those guys brought some normality and a little fun back into my week. Riding around the ranch. Sitting together on the porch. Being around people I’ve spent years coaching and getting to know.
Seeing them brought everything full circle. We’ve spent so much time talking about their lives, their families, their businesses, and their futures. Saturday, we got to spend a day together. I needed that. I enjoyed the hell out of being with them.
Then Sunday, my daughter had a race to run. While Aspen and her friends ran in Santa Barbara, I walked in Austin. It poured the entire time. When I finished, I sent her a picture of my walk and a message: “Here’s everything I had in the tank today! I was with you the entire time.”
Aspen finished in one hour and 45 minutes. A personal record. My baby girl left it all on the field. I was so damn proud of her.
Then I saw the photo of her and her friends holding signs. “I love you, Dad.” “Fuck cancer.” I knew they were all out there fighting for me. No words. Just so much love for my daughter and her friends.
Last week, I wrote about knowing what I’m fighting for. This week, I got to live some of it. A day with friends. A Sunday cheering for my daughter. People I love beside me through hard conversations. There’s still a lot I don’t know about what comes next.
“Here’s everything I had in the tank today! I was with you the entire time.” I sent those words to Aspen. Looking at that photo, I knew she could have sent them right back.
Write a future you’re excited to live.
P.S. Next Monday, November 16, we’re hosting a live virtual 10-Year Letter Workshop. If you’ve been meaning to write yours, we’d love to help you put that future into your own words. You can find the details here.
Comments